I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
