I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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