it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
