Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
