There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Randomize
