My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize
