I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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