I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
