david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize
