I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
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