When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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