This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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