Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
