Me too!
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
