Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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