Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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