he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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