So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
