it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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