there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
The power of my boobs compel you
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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