she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Randomize
