I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
