Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
