Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
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