Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
what the fuck happened to the tacos
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
