If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
