What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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