I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
