i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
