I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Cover your peen. We're going out.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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