why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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