Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
