You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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