Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
These tits shall not be calmed
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
