I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
