Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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