I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize
