The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
