He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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