I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
