i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
