Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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