i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
