Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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