Don't you send me to vm
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
