i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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