What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
