He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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