..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
