You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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