Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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