C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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