it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
