we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
