I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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