Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
